A Milestone

It's finally quiet at our house.  I should be napping like the other three girls, but my heart is so full that I have to write for a few minutes to reflect on some events from this afternoon before I forget.

Mike and I planned to take away Charis' pacifier ("binky") on Sunday, but this morning she decided she would take a nap without it.  So Mike and I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to make this her decision and make it an exciting, encouraging milestone.

When naptime finally came this afternoon, of course Charis decided that she could not sleep without her binky.  I reminded her of her decision, and what followed was about an hour and a half filled with desperate sobbing, protests, begging... she even asked me for a toy binky - the kind that's for a baby doll - just to have something in her mouth.  Her tearful eyes and genuine desperation almost broke my heart for a few minutes.  Is this how the Lord feels when, in love, He takes away something that we think we need, and we protest, cry, argue, try to bargain... haven't we all been there at some point? So as I rocked my weeping, desperate little girl, I had a deeper look into the heart of God.  My heart ached for her.  I understood her childish perspective and sense of loss.

And then I saw  my hand on her little leg, and with the knuckles and creases and veins I saw my Mom's hand.  Mom's hands were (and are) precious to me - I don't know why - just something I always inspected and admired as a kid, these beautiful strong hands that worked, comforted, loved, disciplined.  And I remembered all the times that don't seem so long ago that I was the fiery little round-cheeked, blonde headed girl whose sobs were soothed by my Mom's hands.  And now I get to be "Mommy's hands" to three daughters?  I lose my breath under the weight of that.  Eventually Charis got quiet, her limbs felt heavy in my lap and her breathing started to get deeper and more rhythmic, but I couldn't put her down.  I held her longer, and prayed for her future and cried on her little head and fell so in love with her all over again.  I was thankful for the battle because it made the peace that followed deeper and sweeter than any moment we've had together.  If my love is this intense, what is His like?

Sing, O Daughter of Zion; shout aloud O Israel! Be glad and rejoice with all your heart... The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save.  He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.  ''The sorrows... I will remove from you...''